Sunday, 28 March 2010
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I can't seem to hold you like I want to, So I can feel you in my arms.
This mood, this reckless and pathetic mood, is driving me insane. All day I have felt miserable, just wanting to yell and fight. I feel like I'm not getting that which I'm striving for. I feel as if all my efforts are in vain. Sure, he loves me, but his love isn't all I am after. I'm in for something deeper, something below the surface of all this superficial "I love you," "You love me" bullshit. I need to feel like I'm special. I need to feel like I'm worth having. I want to know that if something were to happen and there were no more "us," that it would affect him. I need to know that if you tell me something, with the knowledge that it is going to make me feel a certain way, and that said way is positive, that I can trust you to keep your word. I don't want to keep feeling like a joke. I'm tired of being let down. Don't tell me I'm your one and only if you know that I won't be you're one and only. It's simple. Try for me. Make a serious and conscious effort to do what you say you will. Don't tell me you will quit something and then not quit. Especially when its a matter as serious to me as this is.
"We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw."
Sunday, 21 March 2010
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Beautiful
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you
I'm just so fuckin' depressed I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick the mic back up I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit Or come to grips, with the fact that I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
[Chorus:]
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
Oh they can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
'cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that... I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom I don't need no fucking man servant
Trying to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like
Ah Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles
[Chorus]
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
Oh They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
Oh They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
'cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where? I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet
[Chorus]
Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world Where they can be alone... so
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through oh
Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you
so oh oh
Yea... To my babies. Stay strong.
Daddy will be home soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful
Sunday, 31 January 2010
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Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So, I've recently picked up a new book to read. In doing so, I'm trying to turn around my relationship with Andy. I love him to death, but whether it ends or gets better, something has to give. I cannot keep going on like this. This relationship has put such a burden on my chest and that is not how true love should be. Yes, I understand that relationships, especially marriage, is hard, but only to an extent. When you are truly in love and that love is reciprocated, then it should never be as hard as this is going now. I worry constantly about when it will be over for good, or if he will cheat and hide it from me, or if things will only keep going down the drain until I put a stop to it myself by walking away from him. I worry to the point of self-destruction. I constantly check up on him, and follow up on his stories. I feel the need to go through his text messages and phone calls, and even looking at the history on his computer. I don't understand why I worry this much. Although he has never cheated on me before, I feel that with things as rough as they are right now, that he might start looking elsewhere. I wish things weren't as they are, but what can a girl do?
Sunday, 24 January 2010
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Should I?
I cannot stop thinking about what I found out yesterday. When I approached him with what I found out, he couldn't look at me or even say anything in his defense. Fifteen minutes later, he asked if I was mad. Seriously? Am I mad? I'm hurt more than anything, but YES I am mad! Then about an hour after that, he came in the living room and sat down with me. He decided to put G.I. Joe in the DVD player and asked me to watch it with him, while doing so he was as sweet as he could be. Held me, kissed me, talked sweetly to me. All the while, there I sit wondering why he's being such a suck up all of a sudden. I mean, seriously, where did that come from? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love that kind of attention, but when its been so long that I can't possibly remember the last time I was treated that way, it really makes me start to wonder.
As for the ex, I want to say something to her. I want to give her a piece of my mind and let her know not to play around with me. Andy is MY boyfriend and I will not put up with her talking to him as if he is her little sex toy. That shows she has no respect for me, but it also says that she has no respect for herself if she'll stoop as low as to mess with a taken man! Get over him, he broke up with you almost three years ago and he has been with me for the past two. That should tell you something! UGH!
Saturday, 23 January 2010
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Disappointed beyond belief.
You know that feeling you got when you were a little kid at Christmas and you had asked Santa for something in particular and yet you received an entirely different present? Or when the cute boy/girl in your class smiles and waves at you, but then you realize it was intended for the person behind you?
Imagine finding out your boyfriend of two years whom you love dearly has been flirting with his ex and planning to see her. Imagine knowing that he already has plans to leave you when the time is "right." Imagine that pain, heartache and disappointment. That feeling is very real to me in this moment.
My body is weakened by the immense pain that my heart is feeling. Every movement I decide to make is slowed down by my sincere agony. Hopes, dreams, promises for the future, all visibly going down the drain and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. My brain is boggled by the effort someone will go through in order to make you believe their lies.
DustyFootprint
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- Member Since: 1/10/2010
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